Monday, November 29, 2010

My firstborn turns 4

On Wednesday 1st Dec 2010, my firstborn, Muhamad Mubarak will be turning 4.
We will be taking leave on this day and spending the day with him, to celebrate the day he was born, along with all the people he loves. Although it seems that the celebration is for him, in truth a small part of it is for us, the parents. We want to celebrate the day he was gifted to us by Allah s.w.t, two souls who had nothing – no money (well, not much) , no knowledge on how to raise a child other than the little we had read, no clue as to what to except and yeah basically Nothing except lots and lots of love for each other and the firm belief that we are truly blessed to have been awarded this perfect child by Allah s.w.t and that we will do our best to raise him right.

I know this is going to sound cliché but honestly it does feel like it was just last year that we had him and we brought him home from the hospital. Of all the things that happened in both my deliveries, the most poignant moment were the trips home from the hospital.

I remember vividly every single detail about the journey from getting dressed in the hospital room, saying goodbyes to my Gynae and the wonderful nurses at Glen E, being escorted out of the ward on a wheelchair (hospital procedures) by the hospital staff and waiting at the lobby while the valet brought us the car. I remember carrying the small, precious bundle in my arms, dressed in his best. Most of all, I remember my thoughts lucid and crystal clearly. All the time on the wheelchair and all the way home in the car, I was thinking to myself “OMG, OMG, OMG, Is this real ? Are we going home ? Am I really ready to be a mother? Can the both of us take care of a baby?”

Ahh....Memories….

Now as I look at my son, I realized so much has happened since then. He is now a bright young man who is full of sunshine. He is very expressive, articulate and a cheerful child. He is well liked by his teachers and friends and my uncles and aunts as well as the hubby’s uncles and aunts continuously sing praises on how well behaved he is.

He is well-rounded, loves Lady Gaga as much as he loves his Asma’ul Husna (and he can recite it well too) He is great at taking care of his brother and relishes any duty given to him to carry out. The best thing about him, he has a sense of humour and is able to see the funny side of things! (something not many people can do)

He has a looong way to go and I hope the hubby and I will be around to hold his hand as he makes his way through the meandering roads of his life.

Happy 4th birthday my darling Mubarak. May you succeed in life and make all your dreams and aspirations a reality. Insya’ Allah. Amin.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Things your Momma should've told you !

I got this off this blog http://my2centstoo.blogspot.com Its a list of advise the author is gicing to her two daughters. The kinds of things nobody else will tell you except your mom. And exactly the kinds of things you will need to arm yourself with to face life's curveballs.

I am inspired to write my own list for my boys. More on that later....

Meanwhile enjoy !

1. You DON'T have to please everyone all the time. You DON'T have to please ANYONE at all, if you don't feel like it. Sure, nice people sometimes do some things for others that make them (others) feel good. I am all for such niceties. But remember - NEVER be forced into doing something, anything for someone if your heart, gut or mind says no. Listen to your "self". I am not condoning selfishness. I am just saying that do not give in to someone's "Good girls make sure their parents/husbands/boyfriends/friends/God/whoever are happy". Remember, a happy and contented self is much better than a happy anyone-else. But diplomacy sure does make life easier - remember that!

2. Stand up for yourself. Because no one else will, if you don't. Don't be bullied into doing something you don't want to. If you think what you are offering someone is reasonable and fair, it probably is. If they don't agree, negotiate. But DO. NOT. BE. BULLIED. INTO. SUBMISSION!! It is possible to be pleasant and yet stand your ground. At the same time, never be hesitant in unsheathing your claws when you have to. Sometimes you HAVE to show people what you are really made of in order for them to take you seriously.

3. Remember good men don't hit women. They don't terrorize women, humiliate them or coerce them into doing something they don't want to do. There are plenty of good men around. You DON'T have to settle for anyone less than "good". Not even for "good enough". It is better to spend life alone than to put up with an abuser just because "Good" didn't come along. Have the confidence to go on your way alone and I am sure you will find someone who is just right for you. Even if you don't, remember YOU are perfect for you! Remember how your dad loves and respects me. Always remember - you deserve such a partner too. Never settle for anything less.

4. Be financially independent. No matter how loving a husband/partner you have and even if you are well taken care of, make sure you have at least one UPDATED skill that can get you gainful employment whenever you need. You never know what curveball life will throw at you next year, next month or next moment. Be prepared. If you WANT to work, never let anyone tell you that good wives or mothers don't. Never let another person dictate whether or not you should work, or where for that matter. There is no blessing greater in this world than to be able to do what you want to do in life. And don't let any idealist tell you that working to "earn money" is inferior to any other goal. Don't let money be your be all, end all. But do make some money. You will realize a healthy bank balance brings along mental peace and allows you to focus on the more important things in life - like family. Don't undervalue money, but don't overvalue it either.

5. Take good care of yourselves. Take time out for yourself, no matter how crazy life is and no matter how many responsibilities you have. Even if you are with someone, make sure you take out time for YOU. Alone. Very important for your "self" AND for any relationship. Eat healthy, exercise, be active. Have some hobbies that take you outdoors and allow you to be physically active. Mental agility is good too. Try and strike the balance between the two.

6. Be cautious. In unknown locations, uncertain situations and around unknown people. ALWAYS be on your guard! Safety should be a habit, not a "hobby". I cannot stress this enough.

7. Learn everything there is to learn to survive AND to live comfortably. Learn what it takes to progress in your professional fields, learn to cook, to sew, to change a flat tire, change a light bulb, repair a fuse, fix a toilet. In short - anything that you might need to do one day. Or earn enough to be able to pay others to do all this for you. But I'd still say knowing how to do all these things is a good idea - then you will know if someone is trying to rip you off by charging, say, 50 bucks to fix a fuse.

8. Don't hold regrets and grudges. They poison minds, hearts and relationships. It is a difficult thing to learn. I am still learning it. But I hope you will do a better job of it than me. Talk things out. Don't let a little disagreement fester into a big one. Learn to apologize when it is your fault, but don't be apologetic all the time. Learn when to say "I understand you feel this way, but I think I am right".

9. Take a long time to make friends and even longer to end friendships. Remember it is hard to undo the hurt of a mean word or gesture. But also know when to let a relationship go. If it is preying on your mind and being, but going nowhere, you are probably best OUT of it than in.

10. Be competitive. Healthy competition builds character. Don't let the pacifists tell you that participation is good enough. Participation is good but winning, or trying to win, is better. I don't mean to tell you that your efforts are worthless if you don't win. What I mean to tell you is put in your 100% efforts and then some more. If you win, good, if not at least you know you tried your best.

11. Love each other unconditionally. A sister (sibling) is our first and ever lasting best friend. Sure you will have differences. Who doesn't? But learn to resolve those differences amicably. In the end, when your dad and I are gone, you will only have each other to lean on.

Sibling love

It has been long since I put down thought to paper and really there has been too many things going on in my life that I have hardly had the time to blog. Ok that’s an excuse. Truth is, any chance I get away from the kids I have been playing games on my HTC . Angry birds, WordUp you name I have it.

Anyway I wanted to share a little about siblings love. I am the only one from my mother and I have not truly felt any feeling of sibling love or rivalry, Which is why I am adamant about my Mubarak not being an only, lonely child, like I was.
As a child, I was always aware that I am an only child. Sure I had siblings from my dad’s earlier marriage but they were so old and distant they were as good as aunts and uncles.

I am always in awe of this great love between siblings. I feel a twinge of jealousy when my mother meets up with her sister and they huddle close together in a room and whisper. I feel lonely when I see my cousin and her brother share an inside joke on their parents. Of course, there are times I feel sorry for them when they have to share their toys /books (FYI, I hate sharing! That word shld never have been invented) and I secretly gloat about being an only child when my cousin or friend has to give in to a younger sibling just because and they scream “IT’S NOT FAIR! THAT’S MINE!!”

Still, I thought being an only child was no fun and I am glad that I am now the proud mother of 2 boys !

My husband and I try to inculcate sibling love right from the beginning. We tell the elder that his first best friend should be his brother and that no matter what he should always priorities his brother. We will tell the younger one the same when he understands the concept.

At 4 and 18 months. It is really too early to see if they have developed a lifelong sibling bond but we are happy with what we see so far. Whenever the younger one is being disciplined, the elder one will rush in with a hug and will try to soothe n placate him with a toy or food. Out of the blue while they are playing, the younger one will suddenly stop, turn to his elder brother and give him a loving hug which is reciprocated eagerly.
I also like how, despite having playmates his age, my elder will ask his younger brother to join in the fun. Whenever I ask the younger one to join me for a short bout of reading or when I call him to have his dinner, he will pull his elder bro along.

Of course this has its embarrassing moments too. Once while my mother and sister –in-law brought the elder out for some shopping, a lady shopper commented on how smart (mouth) my boy was and gave him a toy and a $2 note. (I don’t know why ppl give money to strangers’ kids but that is another post altogether) Instantaneously, he asked the lady, “what about my brother ? Where is his ? “ Ooops !

I have a distant relative who has 5 kids and the siblings are super close. They do everything together and now , even though they are each married and with their own families, they are still very close and always make it a point to meet up at least once a week. I would very much for my kids to be like that and I have on numerous occasions asked the mother what does she do to instill this great bond between them. She says she does not have any particular formula other than making the elder one personally responsible for the next one and that participating in family event is a must and is non-negotiable. Simple? Sounds very simple but actually implementing it will not be so easy, I think.