As we started preparations for the wedding early this year, I received a lot of cautionary tales about how tempers will fly and arguments will arise not just between The Don and I but also between Umi and I. It seems almost etched in history that at every daughter's wedding, the mother will have her own set of ideas and will want things to be done her way which are usually in direct juxtaposition with the daughter's. To be honest, I saw it happen first hand during the preparation of my sister's wedding some 3 years ago. Back then my sister refused to have a pelamin (dias) and wanted to do away with the Malay custom of berinai / tepung tawar (u noe the one where ppl anoint the bride's and groom's hands as a gesture of blessing) My mom of course went livid & insisted and after numerous "discussions", my sister finally conceeded. So you could say I was quite prepared for a battle.
Surprisingly everything was smooth sailing. No skirmishes whatsoever, Alhamdulillah. I expected strong criticism about my choice of clothes, decor, color, music, timing etc etc etc but hey none at all. My mother and I have been very civil about things. Perhaps its due to efficient division of labour. Or perhaps we both learnt from past mistakes and vowed never to repeat it. Or most probably, its our close, friendship-like relationship that made planning the wedding a breeze.
Long before we actually enquired and booked the services of the wedding supplies providers, my mom and I had regular talks about what we each want for the wedding. I recognise the fact that altho this is MY wedding, she has as much investment in it emotionally as I do. It is as much my event as it is hers. And especially given the fact that I am her only child, surely she has her own ideals on what would make the wedding wonderful. I found that sharing my aspirations and imaginations with her work coz despite it being only talk, she has a rough idea of what I have in mind and I too can see what she has in hers. We discuss extensively and while our ideas are similiar, the ones which are different we either compromised or give in. By the time we actually got down to book the stuff, we were both in tandem.
Between my mother and I, we actually set out a division of labour. She takes care of the guests lists and everything there is to do with the guests. She does this with the help of my sisters of course, from preparing the guest list, inviting them, the layout of the reception and even the menu. I'm also leaving all the adat adat stuff to her. I'll gamely go along with whatever she wants to see us do whether its a tepung tawar thing or the dinner thing. Oohh I'm such a good daughter aye?? But she completely lets me make my own choice whether its the decor, photographer, room or clothes. But still, I usually seek her advice nonetheless and ask her to come along with me & my best friend when I make my final choice.
Our long long discussions oten go on till 3 or 4 in the mornings. We will talk about everything under the sun even those usually taboo subjects that are avoided by most daughters like the plague. Especially recently, she has been very open with me about her own personal experiences of getting married and her period of adjustments. It has been truly eye-opening and my admiration for her has amplified greatly.
Its wonderful having a mom you could almost count as a buddy.
2 comments:
i think i've got the same type of mother like you do.
always kalut tak tentu pasal even though she doesn't have too...
and always be there for me no matter what...
my mother is my buddy too...
(^_^)
yup she may be harsh and insist on her way but experience has taught me that she is always right. So I have learned to listen .. hehehee
And yes its wonderful ain't it to have a mommy who's a fren...
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